Raise Your Glass: Stuck in the Twilight Saga SPECIAL EDITION! Read online

  ***

  I've raised my beer to Ron, the next one will be raise in his honor as well. I watched the first Twilight movie and mourn that time lost. I also know what it's like to be forced to do something you don't want to by someone you love.

  Now on with the actual review of the story. Overall, I really liked it. The humor, dialogue, and descriptions were very good.

  ***

  I thought this short story was funny. I have heard those conversations between Team Jacob and Team Edward twihards. They are funny. I maintain anything that gets someone to read and enjoy it then that's what's important. This book made me laugh and it improved my day. No, it isn't the most eloquently written short story ever. No it wasn't the deepest story that made a person ponder life, but it did make me laugh and I appreciate that. Analyzing it to be more than it is meant to be would be silly. Read, laugh, enjoy and don't take a story so seriously. It isn't life or death!

  ***

  Look, just want to say I'm neutral. Not tomboy or girly girl. Not an obsessed romance or action movie watcher. And, most importantly, not a Twilight fan or hater. I'm just here, okay? But there are a few things I want to say to the author:

  1) What do you have against Stephanie Meyer? I've only read the first book but still, why would you lash out at someone like you did here? If it sells, it sells. It dosn't really matter under what circumstances.

  2)If you hate Twilight so much, why don't you write a longer book? I'm sure people would like to read more. I personallly would add some things like stories about Jacob getting rabies or Edward getting turned human and he turns out to be an ugly nerd. Just a thought. You're free to use them. It's not like it would actually get sold for money.

  3) I can spell fine, thanks.

  4) Dude, you are FUNNY. You should start your own comedy tv show. Although you may get attacked by Team Edward and Jacob fans. Might bring back bad memories. On that note, Neutral Girl, signing out.

  ***

  I'am a HUGE twilight fan and have to say i'am team volturi all the way. I thought the book was SUPER and i think the author should write more books like this!

  ***

  Some would argue that when one reaches the highest pinnacle of a particular art form, that there will not be a consensus on the quality of said art. I'm not suggesting that Raise Your Glass is the Ulysses or Don Quixote of its generation, far from it. But it makes no attempts to be, and that's what makes it so uniquely engaging. A short fiction piece, Raise Your Glass is likely to strike a nerve with many-a Twihard (is that word still being used?), and ultimately, that is its goal. That being said, if Twilight fans can't appreciate the joke, its kind of their own faults. Because in a short, concise riff on the world of Twilight fans, as seen by an outsider, the author has touched on something deeper, either intentionally or serendipitously. The cult of Twilight is not all different from the cult of politics or the cult of music or the cult of film. In modern society, all of these things simultaneously cause descent and unity, discordia and harmony. Whether this is a good or bad thing is up to the individual, but the author manages to capture the sense of alienation and repulsion one may feel when looking at these battles from the outside. People who take the author's words personally (despite the fact that he himself admits that many of them come directly from the mouths of oblivious Twilight fangirls) are missing the point. If this story were about the same incredulous narrator attending a political debate, or a concert of a particularly infuriating musician, it would evoke the same passionate reaction with which Twilight fans reacted to this piece. The rage Twilight fans seem to despise this piece plays right into the author's hand. They're proving him right. The grand joke behind this piece is that the author cannot lose: if Twilight fans are angered by it, his words are validated, but if they laugh along its because they know deep down his words ring true, and they are once again validated. In less then 10 pages the author has managed to outsmart Stephanie Meyer and her legion of undying fans. And for that alone, he should be applauded.

  ***

  I AM a twilight fan and I thought this was funny and I liked it very much. I've met girls like that (the ones in the story) and I think they ARE insane

  ***

  He lost one star only because his skit was too short. You don't have to like or not like Twilight to read. I am a great Twifan. First part details a guy's experience while waiting in line for a Twilight DVD; can't remember which episode/part. Second part parodies in Madd style a conversation between Edward/Rpatz and Bella/Kstew. There are a few f's and a bit of language. Nice that both the good and bad reviews were included. I also had fun reading them.

  Whatever is in there is actually true. How some fans behave, the script between the two characters/actors is actual food for thought.... I mean if we take ourselves away from the nostalgia of Twilight and seriously critic it we would get to the same point the author has. I did long ago even though I have all the dvds, books and soundtracks.The books and most of the movies are not for tweens as they detail stalking, push sex before marriage from Bella's point, promote anger and hostility and yes they do promote violence in different strengths. The book was free and there really isn't need for comparison between his work and Twilight. It's just a take on fans' behaviour. Quite frankly if Stephenie M. loved her fans so much she would give us Midnight Sun completed. We have begged enough for it.

  Good work Keith.

  ***

  This short story was funny & entertaining, I must say that it even made me laugh the part when the reviews were things like I cannot believe u wrote that u hater and other stuff, it demonstrates the point which Keith Helinski wanted to point out, twilight fans get a little okay a lot of too crazy for the movie twilight, I like the twilight movies they have a good drama etc, but I am on no team, honestly the person who invented the whole team Edward and team Jacob that is the most ridiculous thing they have ever made, and then the way they act and fight for those things they go overboard, I never call myself a fan like the teens, mom,etc, the fans of today and well always have been so crazy and lunatic, they scream so hard like if they were their Gods, and some even cry!! I mean I can like the music,art, etc, of some person who is famous, and maybe even say wow he is hot but go like these crazy fans who go so psycho about them, my God! They are just human beings like us. And well to wrap it up, I just want to say that I loved the short story that Keith Helinski wrote, and I am so looking forward for reading more of his stories, and as for the crazy fans of twilight....never mind..

  ***

  It was a fun little writing project for me. It wasn't meant to be anything more than that. It's free, so at least no one can bitch that I am profiting from this story. If I had to give a rating, I would give RAISE YOUR GLASS between 2.5 to 3 stars. No, it isn't a great story (or my best) It's funny, though (at least, to me!) I am grateful a handful of readers thought it was funny as well.

  I think Twilight is one giant inside joke. I don't get why it's so popular, and the Twilight fans don't get why Twilight is so easy to make fun of. I don't even think avid Twilight fans realize how silly they are. I made this point once in the introduction, and I will say it again - the dialogue in RAISE YOUR GLASS came from real people, the same people that will embarrass themselves online with the reviews they write. The same people that will make YouTube videos, praising how wonderful Twilight is, like that Emma Clark fruit-cake ( the real life Anne Marie Wilkes Dugan!) If I had to dedicate this ebook to anyone, it would be to THOSE people who inspired this story! And it's the uproar that keeps this story in the top ten Amazon list.

  K.H.; September 5, 2012.

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